When You Struggle to Make Decisions

Are you someone who struggles to make decisions—or often relies on others to make them for you?

Perhaps, when you made decisions earlier in life, they were challenged, mocked, dismissed, or overridden.

Someone cancelled the plans you had made, overriding your wishes and desires.

You were often the one expected to agree with others.

Over time, you may have stopped trusting your own choices.

At work,

You struggle to decide which skill you want to pursue next in your career.

You cannot decide whether you want to continue in the same job or move to another city.

You leave it to others to determine whether you will be promoted, appreciated, or recognized.

You discuss every plan with others, analyze it from every possible angle, and eventually change your original decision.

In your personal life,

You couldn't choose the degree or college you wanted to pursue.

You can spend months trying to decide which laptop to buy.

You have viewed several homes but struggle to choose and finalize one.

You make plans for a vacation but find yourself stuck choosing a hotel.

These may appear to be simple problems with decision-making.

But sometimes, there is something deeper underneath.

What happened?

When your decisions were repeatedly overridden early in life, you may have slowly learned that your decisions could not be trusted.

When your choices were constantly challenged, you may have concluded that your choices were not good enough.

When you repeatedly received unsolicited advice, you may have started looking outside yourself for the "right" answer.

When friends mocked your ideas or called them strange, you may have learned to question your own thinking before anyone else could.

Slowly and surely, your confidence in your own decisions began to diminish.

The more weight you gave to everyone else's opinions, the harder it became to hear your own.

And when every possibility was analyzed for what could go wrong, you could find a thousand reasons to reject an opportunity before you even gave yourself a chance to try.

What is really happening?

The real issue may not be that you are incapable of making decisions.

You may simply have never been given enough space to learn how to make them.

Perhaps someone was trying to protect you because they cared about you.

But when someone repeatedly makes decisions for you, protection can come at the cost of autonomy.

You don't get to experience what it feels like to choose.

You don't get to make mistakes.

You don't get to experience the consequences of your decisions and learn that you can handle them.

Sometimes, an elder continues to treat you as though you are not fully capable of making your own choices—even when you have grown into an adult capable of making them.

And sometimes, a controlling person simply cannot tolerate your independence or autonomy.

Whatever the reason, the result can be the same:

You stop trusting yourself.

Rebuilding your ability to decide

You don't need to become certain about every decision before you make it.

You need to give yourself permission to choose.

Allow yourself to make mistakes, take ownership of your decisions, and correct them when necessary.

Let go of the need to make the perfect decision that guarantees the perfect outcome.

Build trust with yourself by making choices and learning that you can handle what follows.

And when you seek advice from others, use your own discretion.

Advice can inform your decision. It doesn't have to make the decision for you.

A reflection for today

Think about one decision you have been postponing for weeks or months.

Ask yourself:

What fear shows up when I think about making this decision myself?

Is it the fear of making a mistake?

Being judged?

Disappointing someone?

Being told that you were wrong?

Or having to take responsibility for the outcome?

Sometimes, learning to make decisions is not simply about becoming more decisive.

It is about rebuilding the trust you have in yourself.

If you recognize that your difficulty with decision-making is connected to deeper patterns from your upbringing, relationships, or unresolved inner-child experiences, this may be something worth exploring more deeply.

If you would like support in working through these deeper inner-child patterns with me, you can book a call to explore whether my work is the right fit for you.